Away in a Manger: A Christmas Tale of Terror

There is a place, so dominated by nativity scenes, that the you often feel like the tiny figurines are watching you. I am tormented by this idea. Irrational fear or no, it haunts me.

My best friend’s house, the one I visited all throughout childhood, is just such a place. Every other month of the year, it’s a typical suburban home. But come December, the nativities creep out. Figurines, pillows, throw blankets, ornaments, you name it. One year we counted over 100 in just one room. So you can imagine what this did to my fertile imagination. Yes, that’s right, straight to horror.

I wondered what would happen if they came to life one night. Would these ceramic figurines be benevolent, or out for blood? What followed was a delve into Christmas terror. And I wasn’t alone in my horrific machinations. The folks at Grinning Skull Press also share a penchant for the creepy at Xmas. I’m happy to say that “Away in a Manger” appears in the 2019 edition of Deathleham. The proceeds of this publication go to charity, so please download or purchase a copy to support the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.

And my apologies to the wonderful family, so bedecked with nativities. You should know better than to feed my imagination.

Tim Kane

Santa Goes to the Cloud

This holiday season, Santa Clause has upgraded to OS Kringle 5, which supports cloud services. How will this affect you this season?

For starters, Santa won’t have to make that personal appearance to every household, so hold on the milk and cookies. Kringle 5 now delivers Christmas gifts as digital downloads. When the big morning arrives, instead of rushing to the tree, fire up the computer and check your email. You’ll find codes for downloading your gifts. (Or eCoal.)
Some of you might miss that personal visit from the jolly old fella, but for those of us without chimneys, we won’t have to leave the doors unlocked. Plus, think of the money you’ll save in roofing (no reindeer hoof prints on the shingles).

Santa is beta testing a gift subscription service. Just sign up to be a Kringle Prime customer and you can download one gift (toy, action figure, doll, etc) per month for free. That’s a gift that you can appreciate all year long.

Additionally, Santa is skipping the mall visits and letters this year. Check his website for available facetime slots. Remember, sign up early or Santa will have to guess about your gifts!

You can still give Santa cookies and milk. Only now, be sure to purchase eCookies and eMilk on Facebook. Also, click over and like Santa’s page. He’s looking to reach a million by the 25th.

Merry Christmas.

Tim Kane