3 Weird Ways to Keep Vampires Away (Bread, Clocks, Salt)

Arkane Curiosities

We all know garlic is the go to deterrent for vampires. But the vampires know this too. What if you want a more offbeat or weird way to keep vampires away from your house.

There’s a history of smelly objects that repel the undead. The Saxon Neuntöter was afraid of the citrus strength of lemons. Likewise, the strong odor of tar would keep bloodsuckers away. People would smear it on their doors in the shape of a cross. 

Bake Some Blood Bread

The blood of the vampire is a potent liquid with many magical properties. A tradition in Poland is to bake bread using the blood of a suspected vampire. By eating this bread, you would be protected from vampire attacks. 

The Romanians took this practice to the extreme. They would chop up the whole vampire body, burn it to crisp, and mix the ashes with water or brandy. When the surviving family drank this liquid, it was supposed to keep them from succumbing to vampirism themselves. 

Think this is a forgotten tradition? The last documented case of corpse-ash drink was 2004!

Stop the Clock

The folklore of Germany and Great Britain command us to stop the clock when someone dies. This is in the days of mechanical clocks where the hands can be halted by halting the swing of the pendulum. 

The idea behind this tradition is to allow the soul of the deceased to move onto the next life. If the clock keeps ticking, you might invite the spirit to return to your house. Possibly as a ghost or even a blood sucking vampire. 

In Poland, the clocks are stopped to keep them from counting down the time for the deaths of the rest of the household. 

Use Plenty of Salt

During Medieval times, people used salt to preserve meats and the mineral took on magical properties. This started even before birth. 

Romanians believe that a woman who had a high salt diet will give birth to a healthy baby. On the other hand, women with low-salt intake were sure to produce a vampire. 

People would carry salt with them at night to ward off evil creatures. A bag of salt was even hung over a baby’s crib to protect it. And tossing salt over your shoulder…? That was so you can blind any creature trying to sneak up on you. 

Finally, you can sprinkle salt along your floorboard. In addition to the protective qualities of salt, a vampire would step in the salt and then leave a trail of the stuff back to its grave. 

Tim Kane

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3 Weird Ways to Kill a Vampire (Needle, Bullet, Sock)

Arkane Curiosities

It’s the middle of the night and a bloodsucking undead is traipsing through your house. You reach for your trusty stake… Wait! This is the 21st century. Nobody has a stake lying around. So what are some other ways to kill a vampire?

1 Kill a Vampire with a Needle

Vampires have two hearts. The human heart they had in life and a second heart, located at their navel. The Romanians believe (present tense, mind you) that a needle jammed into the navel will pierce the second heart. This is the one that keeps the vampire alive after death.

Beware the Splatter

Even if you use a tiny needle, you need to watch out for vampire blood. Vampires were seen as squishy blood balloons. Their blood was so corrupt, that anyone who touched the stuff would go insane. In olden days, vampire hunters would drape an animal hide over the body when staking. These days, a plastic tarp will do. 

2 Shoot the Coffin

Vampires need to sleep off their blood-drinking binge in a nasty and foul coffin. A consecrated bullet, shot through the wood of the coffin, would “bless” the resting place and the vampire would no longer be able to enter. It wasn’t sunlight that killed the vampire (this was invention of Hollywood) but rather exhaustion from lack of sleep. 

3 Steal His Sock

Yes, you heard that right. Vampires are rather possessive of their footwear. Steal bloodsucker’s left sock (considered the “evil” one because the Latin word for left is sinister). Fill the sock with rocks and toss it in a nearby stream or ocean (but not a lake). The nosferatu will go searching for their sock and will have to dive into the water to retrieve it. Moving water has long been the death knell for the undead. 

There you have it. Three modern solutions to your own vampire infestation. 

Tim Kane

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Superstitions of the Undead (Or How to Keep the Dead in Their Graves)

Arkane Curiosities

Every culture fears that the dead will return to haunt and terrorize them. Throughout the centuries, different superstitions regarding death and burial arose to help keep the dead in their graves, where they belong.

Haitian Lip Sewing

The religion of voodoo is a mixture of several different practices originating in Africa. The main fear is that a deceased person might rise as a zombie. This isn’t the flesh-eating ghoul introduced by George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. These are bodies animated by a sorcerer (bokor) and forced into an eternal slavery.

One common practice is to sew the corpse’s mouth shut. A bokor could only raise the dead by forcing the deceased to answer its name. Thus, sewing the lips shut prevents the dead from speaking. 

Another way to keep the dead from talking is to bury the corpse face down with its mouth against the earth. A dagger is also given to the deceased so they can stab any bokor who disturbs them. 

Finally, you can distract the dead with trivial tasks. Leaving an eyeless needle that can never be threaded or sprinkling a handful of sesame seeds to be counted will keep the deceased busy so they won’t hear the bokor call their name. 

How Death Got His Scythe

In Eastern Europe, many corpses were found buried with a sickle or scythe positioned across their necks. The idea here is that if a corpse rose from its grave, the sickle would slice the head off. 

People finding these bodies in the Middle Ages associated the sickle and scythe with the apparition of death. 

The reason we see burial stones in the shape of a cross is yet another way to keep the dead where they belong. The sign of the cross was thought to deter an evil spirit. Even a sword, with its cross-like hilt, stabbed into the he grave soil will do the job.

A Coin is Your Ticket to the Afterlife

One superstition, dating back to the ancient Greeks, is to place a coin in the mouth of the deceased. The name for this offering is “Charon’s obol”. An obol is a measure of currency. The Greeks believed that the dead spirit traveled to the underworld where it needed to cross the River Styx. Charon was the ferryman tasked with taking souls across the river. But he didn’t work for nothing. The coin was a bribe to make sure your loved one reached the afterlife. Otherwise, they might return as an evil spirit. 

Greeks are obsessed with the idea of keeping at least one coin on their person at all times. Your pocket or purse should always have at least one coin. Even your bank account needed a little something. This superstition was meant to ensure that you always had money. 

Never Dress Your Corpse in Red

Apparently it’s a difficult journey from the grave to the afterlife. The Chinese believe that a soul travels through the ten Magistrates of Hell, where they face faces trials and torments (one for each sin they committed in life). To ease this journey, monks chanted around the deceased to get them through the Courts of Hell as quickly as possible. There would also be a group of people gambling. The idea being that the corpse must be guarded day and night and the gambling kept the people awake and alert. 

The color red signifies happiness. After a death, all statues of deities in the house should be covered with red paper, to protect them from the corpse. Mirrors are also removed because to see the reflection of a coffin means that you will shortly die. 

The deceased is never dressed in red because this will cause the corpse to return as a ghost. 

Dead Flesh Chewing Gum

In Turkey, gum chewing is perfectly fine so long as it happens during daylight hours. If you chew gum at night, it transforms into the flesh of the dead. The color of Turkish gum is very similar to skin tone and can be mistaken as flesh. 

Additionally, you are not supposed to trim your nails at night otherwise a djinn will paralyze you.

Tim Kane

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Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Everyone wants to lower our carbon footprint and stop climate change. So imagine when scientists come up with a novel solution — a fungus that gobbles up carbon from the air. It could be the savior of the planet. The only problem, this fungus likes to eat carbon wherever it exists. It’s particularly fond of the carbon locked in living cells.

This story tracks a teen girl who is left at home to care for her younger brother and baby. It plays off the tale of the Three Little Pigs with the carbon-gobbling fungus taking the role of the wolf. Can she keep her family safe with dwindling food and the fungus chewing up the house around her?

This story appears in the new anthology by Write Hive titled “Navigating Ruins.” You can find it on Amazon, both in Kindle and print.

Tim Kane