Gods of Thieving

Arkane Curiosities

In the various mythologies around the world, we can find plenty of luck and gambling deities. Yet there are very few gods of outright theft. Saint Nicolas (yes, the Santa Claus guy) comes close with his breaking and entering, but he’s the patron saint of reformed theives. Who exactly are the gods of thieving and outright stealing?

Hermes the Trickster

One of the most famous gods of mischief and trickery is Hermes, who started his career in crime as a baby. It seems the infant god had a hankering for some beef and left his cradle to wrangle up fifty cattle belonging to his brother, Apollo.

To keep the theft secret, Hermes marched the cattle backward, thus disguising which direction the cattle were traveling. Hermes also invented sandals to hide the shape of his feet. All of this so he could roast up a good side of ribs.

He was eventually caught, but Apollo was so amused by the youngster’s trickery that the two became fast friends. Apollo even gave the trickster god a golden caduceus, becoming a symbol for Hermes ever since. 

Santa Muerte

The newest addition to the small pantheon of criminal deities is Santa Muerte, also known as Señora de las Sombras (Lady of the Shadows) or La Santísima Muerte (The Most Holy Death). The phrase Santa Muerte means good death and comes from a Catholic prayer asking for a peaceful passing into the afterlife. Since then, Santa Muerte has become the beloved saint of any who are dispossessed. 

Figures of death have been a common fixture  in Catholic iconography since the thirteenth century, originating with the European plagues. Santa Muerte’s first appearance was in a 1797 inquisition report on the practices of indigenous worshipers. She was mentioned again in the novel Los hijos de Sánchez by American anthropologist Oscar Lewis. 

However Santa Muerte exploded into celebrity with the season three episode of Breaking Bad (No Mas), depicting the Santa Muerte shrine. Since the early 2000s, the cult of Santa Muerte has grown exponentially.

She is popular with migrants as well as sex workers and those in LGBTQ communities. Santa Muerte is associated with those who live precarious lives or are engaged in dangerous undertakings. Worship of her derives from indigenous practices including elements of Spiritualism, Santería, and New Age ideas about spiritual energy.

Santa Muerte’s appeal lies in her non-judgemental nature. She will grant wishes in return for a pledge or an offering. She holds no moral judgment over your actions. 

Both the Catholic Church and the Mexican government oppose and outlaw the worship of Santa Muerte, despite the millions who pay homage to her. 

Laverna the Lost Goddess of Thieving

Laverna was the Roman goddess who answered the prayers of robbers and thieves. The Porta Lavernalis on Aventine Hill was named after her. 

Little is known of this ancient goddess. She may have originated with the Etruscans, where she was venerated as a goddess of the underworld. Since most thieving happens in the dark, the connection is obvious. The word Laverna derives from the Latin latere (to lurk) and levator (a thief).

To honor Laverna, you pour libations with your left hand. This ensures that you have a successful heist without getting caught. She might have also been a goddess of vengeance. In a Plautus play, a cook calls upon Laverna to seek revenge on some thieves who pilfered his tools. Perhaps Laverna served the person who called upon her first (or offered her the most). Or maybe she simply gets annoyed with thieves who were bungling enough to let their crimes be known. 

Tim Kane

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Mimir: The Severed Head God of Wisdom

Arkane Curiosities

The wisest god in the Norse pantheon is not Odin. No, he gets all his advice from Mimir, the severed head god of wisdom. With direct access to Yggdrasill, the World Tree, Mimir can draw on vast stores of knowledge. But how did he end up losing his head, or body?

Rival Pantheons

The Norse people had not one, but two pantheons of gods vying for control. On one side you had the straightforward, battle centered Aesir with Odin and Thor. On the other side were the more cunning and magic oriented Vanir with Freyr and Freya. 

When Freya visited the Aesir, they were taken by her use of seidr (a powerful magic). Enthralled, they soon threw aside kin loyalty and sought only selfish desires. The Aesir labeled Freya as “Gullveig” (“Gold-greed”) and tried to burn her to death three times, but she was reborn from the ashes. 

War Between the Gods

This led to war between the Aesir and the Vanir. The Aesir fought by the established rules of combat, using weapons and their strength to vanish enemies. The Vanir fought with magic, a more subtle form of combat. Eventually, both sides realized that they were too evenly matched. 

With the prospect of peace, it was customary for each side to send a tribute to the other, a god or goddess who would live among the foreign tribe of deities. Freya, Freyr and Njord were sent to live with the Aesir. Hoenir and Mimir took their place among the Vanir. 

The Vanir Feel Cheated

Each time Hoenir sat in a meeting (called a Thing) with the Vanir, he would lean back and ask the more wise Mimir for advice. But one day, Hoenir went alone to the Thing. Each time he was asked to weigh in on a decision, he shrugged and said “Let others decide.”

The Vanir realized they had been cheated in the exchange of hostages. They’d sent their finest gods to the Aesir, but only received the dim-witted and indecisive Hoenir. In retaliation, they chopped off Mimir’s head and sent it back to Asgard. Apparently you need to pull your weight at a Vanir meeting. 

Odin embalmed Mimi’s head with herbs to prevent rot. He also spoke charms over it, giving Mimir the power to speak again. Finally, Odin set Mimir at the foot of the Yggdrasil tree, next to a well. The well bore Mimir’s name, being known as the Mímisbrunnr.

Mimir the Keeper of Secrets

Mimir drank from the well and gained great knowledge and secrets. To accomplish this task, he used the drinking horn Gjallarhorn (which is the same one Heimdallr would blow to announce the coming of Ragnarök). How Mimir managed this drinking, given that he was only a head, the sources won’t divulge. 

Now Odin sets himself up as the frontman for being the wisest in the land. He doles out all the witty saying to the other Aesir, with Mimir feeding him advice and secrets from the wings. 

Odin spent countless hours wringing information from Mimir. You see, he valued Mimir’s knowledge as well as their intellectual discussions. But Ragnarök was coming soon and he needed to gather every scrap of information he could. Thus, Odin asked to drink from the well of Mímisbrunnr, himself.

This was a big ask. The well contained untapped knowledge of not only this world, but all the nine realms. As the keeper of Mímisbrunnr, Mimir wanted something in exchange. For the privilege of drinking, Odin sacrificed his right eye, which he tossed to the bottom of the well. 

After this point, not much is mentioned about Mimir. Did he still give Odin council, or was he forgotten, now that Odin had drunk from the mystical waters of Mímisbrunnr. Given that Odin appears in comics and movies and Mimir is all but forgotten, I think we can guess the answer.

Tim Kane

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Three Bizarre Christmas Traditions: Poop Logs, Christmas Spiders and Evil Goblins

Arkane Curiosities

At this point, Krampus has become a well known phenomenon. There’s even an American Dad episode about the mischievous bringer of discipline. Krampus is a downright celebrity these days. Here are three lesser known strange and bizarre Christmas traditions.

The Poop Log of Catalonia

Tió de Nadal translates from Catalan to “Christmas log” or simply “tree trunk.” The other name for this Xmas tradition is Caga Tió, or poop log. Yes that’s right. It’s a log that poops out presents on Christmas Day.

It works like this, starting on the Dia de la Immaculada Concepció (Feast of Immaculate Conception, December 8th) you “feed” the Caga Tió sweets and candy. Each evening, after dinner, kids would save a peel from an orange or other fruit and place it in a feeding bowl in front of the little log. Bits of cookies and other sweets work as well.

Each night, you drape a blanket over the body of Caga Tió to keep it warm. We don’t want our gift-giving log to freeze in a cold winter home. This continues until December 24th, and gradually the log will grow in size (or maybe it’s the parents switching out the log for larger one). 

Then comes the beating. You gather around your log and hit it with a stick to make sure it poops, all while singing a cute little song…

Caga tió, (Poop log)
tió de Nadal, (Log of Christmas)
no caguis arengades (Don’t poop salted herring)
que són massa salads (They are too salty)
caga turróns (Poop turróns)
que són més bons! (They are much better!)

Then, like magic, presents and candies (called turróns) appear under the blanket.

Ukrainian Christmas Spiders

In Ukraine, you will often see spiderwebs decorating the Christmas tree. This comes from an old legend about some rather helpful arachnids. 

There was once a widow who lived in a tiny house with her children. One day, a pine one took root outside their home and the children tended to the growing seedling in hopes of having a splendid Christmas tree. Yet as the year slipped into winter, the widow knew that they would not be able to afford decorations. Finally on Christmas Eve, they set up the tree in their house, but its branches were bare.

That night, while they slept, the spiders of the house heard the sobs from the disappointed children. They went to work on the tree, spinning delicate webs on every branch. 

The next morning, the youngest child opened a window and the first rays of sunlight sparkled against the new decorations. The light of Christmas Day transformed the webbing into silver and gold. From that day forward, the widow never wanted for anything. 

Ukrainians still decorate their trees with spiderwebs to bring good luck for the coming year. So maybe don’t shoo that spider away too quickly on Christmas Eve. After all, they also need a warm and cozy place on a winter night.

Mischievous Greek Goblins

The Kallikantzaroi are mischief-making goblins who live in the center of the Earth. They spend the year trying to saw down the Tree of Life, which holds up the world.

During the Twelve Days of Christmas, they dig their way to the surface to bring their naughty tricks to our houses. This is the time, starting at the Winter Solstice, where the sun does not shift in the sky.

Tiny black creatures with long tails, the Kallikantzaroi are mostly blind owing to their life underground. Afraid of the sunlight, they only emerge at night, feeding on any small critters, such as frogs, worms and snails.

They sneak into your house through any cracked window, down chimneys, or through keyholes. Once inside, the havoc begins. They are not evil, per se, but impish and idiotic.

There are up to twenty different types of Kallikantzaroi and each specialized in a different type of mayhem. Some urinate on your cooking or imbue food with horrific smells. Others mimic voices to tease, torment or steal. 

You can keep the Kallikantzaroi away by leaving a colander on your doorstep. These little imps will have to count all the holes, but they can only ever make it to two and then are forced to start over. You can also burn an old shoe — the foul smell will keep these pests away. 

A link to the Norse tradition of Yule comes with a method to keep these goblins out of your chimney. You simply burn a log, but keep it going for all twelve days. Once you’ve reached January 6th, you are safe and the Kallikantzaroi return to the center of the Earth.  

Tim Kane

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Origin of Undyne from Undertale

Arcane Curiosities

The game Undertale, released September 15, 2015, has legions of devoted followers. You play as a human who falls into the Underground, filled with monsters. The most determined being Undyne the Undying. She is the head of the royal guard in the Underground. Her task, eliminate any and all humans. But what exactly is the origin of Undyne?

From Nymph to Royal Guard

Undyne’s name derives from the word Undyne (also spelled Ondine), a mythical water nymph. The undine is an elemental spirit representing water. The Swiss alchemist, Paracelsus, invented the name in his book “A Book on Nymphs, Sylphs, Pygmies, and Salamanders, and on the Other Spirits” from 1566. The Latin root for undine is unda or “wave”.

No such fate would befall Undyne, her name a play on the word undying. She is committed to eliminating humans and stealing your soul — the last one needed to allow the monsters to escape from the underground. 

“Seven. Seven human souls, and King Asgore will become a god. Six. That’s how many we have collected thus far. Understand? Through your seventh and final soul, this world will be transformed.”

Undyne

A Determined Piranha

One theory about Undyne’s appearance is that she is a humanoid version of a piranha fish (specifically Serrasalmus Rhombeus).

Serrasalmus Rhombeus

Undyne is a fish-like monster with blue scales and a protruding maw of teeth. This matched the toothy grin of a piranha. Additionally, the Serrasalmus Rhombeus has red finned gills, matching Undyne’s red ponytail. Finally, piranhas have eyes with vertical slits, much the same as Undyne.

These fish also share Undyne’s personality, a ferocious determination to attack. However, piranha work in packs. Undyne needs no other help.

“Deep, deep in my soul. There’s a burning feeling I can’t describe. A burning feeling that WON’T let me die.”

Undyne

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Tim Kane