What Sort of Vampire Are You (Revisited)

There are more sub-types of vampires than I care to count. Just when I think I have the list narrowed down, more pop into my brain. So, continuing along the vein of the last post, here are some other vampire options for your wish list.

The Punk Vampire

Although there are multiple vampires that touch on this category, only one truly embraces it. Spike. The bit character that exploded into the most interesting aspect of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The attitude here is Sex Pistols meets Lestat the vampire (in the rocker sense). Spike is the sort of vamp that just wants to have fun. I recall one time where he said he wouldn’t want to kill all the humans, then there wouldn’t be anything fun to do.

Biker Vampires

A cousin of the punk vampire is the biker vampire. Here you have the painfully 80’s and stylish Lost Boys vampires led by David (Kiefer Sutherland). I mean, is there one of them that doesn’t have an earring? But they do exude a certain level of cool. The I-can-do-whatever-I-want vampire.

Bordello Vampires

Despite a bar populated by down and dirty bikers (the human variety) it’s the female vamps you have to fear. These girls will tear you apart (literally). The upshot: as this sort of vampire, you get killer looks most of the time. Downside: You get damn ugly fast in the killing spree. Check out From Dusk Till Dawn.

Mafioso Vampire

Actually, there are multiple choices here. The first is from the one season only TV show, The Kindred: The Embraced—a show that had different species of vampires all fighting for control of the city. There was one boss vampire (Prince Julian Luna) and all the other clans vied against each other. The series was based on a role playing game (and a LARP version) called The Masquerade.

As great as this series was, to see real vampire clans (both the Euro-trash suits and the enforcers) you have to turn to the Underwold series. What’s better than gun toting vampires? Gun toting vampires that duke it out with werewolves.

Ninja Vampires

These vamps sneak around in skin-tight black speedos and wield swords. They’re about as badass as you can get and still be a vampire. The nemesis of the Blade series, these ninja vamps make their appearance in Blade II (where our cuddly damphyr has to team up with them). Check it out.

That’s all so far. Plenty more vampire types out there. But that’s enough bloodletting for now.

Tim Kane

Self-Destructing Ideas (To Sit or Not to Sit)

Imagine if you had an idea. A great one. Something that might amaze people. Only to have that idea explode into nothingness after a few people hear about it. This is not fiction. It’s a reality.

Book and music companies use digital rights management (DRM) to control how their products are used. Harper Collins only allows library users to check out a book so many times before the book “self-destructs”. They say that this mimics the wear and tear on a real book. But the digital copy doesn’t have wear and tear. It’s just an idea.

To make this point even more absurd, take a look at the Self Destruct Chair by graphic designer Thibault Brevet. This seat is designed to allow eight people the pleasure of sitting on it. After that, it falls apart and you need to buy a new one.

DRM CHAIR from Thibault Brevet on Vimeo.

We’re all used to products built as cheaply as possible so that it easily breaks. Then you really do nee to buy a new one. But ideas don’t break. That’s what a digital book is. An idea. Yes, companies need to make money, but limiting library access is ridiculous.

Another example of seats that attack back comes from China. It seems there are too few benches in parts to accommodate all the butts that want a seat. Most people would assume you’d simply build more parks. Nope, the folks of the Yantai Park in Shangdong province, eastern China, have other ideas. The benches are coin operated. Yes. They have spikes that stick up to keep you from sitting. Slip in a coin and get a few precious minutes of ass time before the iron maiden spikes skewer your nether regions.

park-bench-spikes_1697959i

Oh, for safety reasons, the benches emit a piercing bleep just before the spikes pop up. So now we’ve destroyed two ideas: The idea of sitting on a bench, and the idea of a quiet park (imagine the chorus of beeping, coupled with the occasional yelp from a slow park-goer).

Incidentally, the Chinese were not responsible for this brilliant idea. The bench above is built by Fabian Brunsing and is called the Pay & Sit bench. Apparently, this has been torturing Europeans for a few years now. Check out this video (meant as an actual advertisement to get you to purchase one).

PAY & SIT: the private bench (HD) from Fabian Brunsing on Vimeo.

I think the next logical step is this:

art_conceptuel_small

This is a conceptual art piece titled “Office Terror” designed by Johan Schulé. I think this artist nailed it (so to speak) that sitting is a pleasure and should not be overlooked. Just like any idea. You can’t tax or make money off of it.

Tim Kane