Vampire Apotropaics Part 1: How to Pacify Your Vampire

Learn how knots, dead dogs, and excrement can deter a vampire.

As a lover of all things vampire, my wife purchased me The Element Encyclopedia of Vampires. As I strolled through the expansive volume, I noticed that despite it’s generous supply of information, some details were scattered. I was immediately drawn to Aprotropaics. This is a term coming from the Greek word apotropai, which is something that averts evil.

This is four part series summarizing the four ways to combat evil (specifically vampires): Pacificaiton, Countering, Restraint, and Lethal Aprotropaics.

The goal with pacification was to remove the vampire’s urge to kill or drink blood. Generally this meant feeding the vampire something else to quell his thirst. This is old school vampire lore (non of that Twilight stuff). The kind of stuff Romanians still believe in.

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I discovered this with an article about vampires on the loose in Serbia. The date was December 1, 2012. Drinks are left on the grave of a deceased man, in the village of Zarozje, near the Serbian town of Bajina Basta

People thought the world of the dead was similar to that of the living. That means eating. All sorts of food were left in the grave to prevent that person from rising as a vampire. Seeds were common. In Germany alone, folk used to bury or scatter poppy seeds, mustard seeds, oats, linen seeds or carrot seeds. Some of this is related to eating, but it also went back to the believe that vampires were seriously OCD.

Many beliefs in vampirism (Eastern European and Chinese) felt that the undead were compelled to count. Therefore if there were seeds in the grave or sprinkled outside, the creature would have to count them all before rising. Now you might think this a task that could be accomplished in a day or so. Oh no. The Kashubs (in Poland) surmised that a vampire could only count a seed a year, thus keeping him busy for centuries.

Miniature Vile of mothers of millions seeds, dirt and moss. I found this on Etsy by chillerwhale

Miniature Vile of mothers of millions seeds, dirt and moss. I found this on Etsy by chillerwhale

Although not strictly food, knots were also used as a delaying tactic. The obsessive vampire would stop to count all the knots (or possibly untie the knots). Nets were often buried with corpses to provide them with years of entrainment.

The Macedonian Folklore by G.F. Abbot (1903) a story tells of how a hunter lured a vampire with a pile of millet grains. The vampire was so obsessed with counting that it didn’t resist when the hunter nailed him to the wall.

The OCD aspect of vampires is highly underused. This reminds me of an excellent episode (Bad Blood) on the X-Files where the FBI agent Mulder pacifies a vampire by strewing sunflower seeds. The vampire, aware of his own compulsion, states, “Ooo, I’m going to get you when I’m done.” This gives time for the agent to escape.

A pizza boy attacks agent Mulder. His shoes are also untied (a sign that he's a vampire).

A pizza boy attacks agent Mulder. His shoes are also untied (a sign that he’s a vampire).

A similar practice to pacify vampires was to lay a dead dog or cat on your doorstep. Yeah, I know. A bit macabre. The idea was that the undead must count all the hairs on the animal. I’m not sure how long you could pull off this particular protection. Seems a last minute thing to me.

My favorite pacification technique came with the belief in holes. In Eastern Europe, people thought vampires exited the grave via holes in the ground. In Bulgaria villagers would place bowls of excrement near grave holes (and you thought the dead dog was bad). The vampire would eat the excrement. I’m guessing this has to do with the undead being a foul and smelly creature. In any event, the vampire was sated and no longer longed for blood.

Finally, a pacification technique that works well with humans was wine. To keep a corpse happy, Romanians bury it with a bottle of wine. After six weeks, the bottle was dug up and drunk with relatives as a form of protection. Sort of the hair of the dog that bit you. One step further was to bury the dead with whiskey, believing that the vampire would become too drunk to find its way home and drink the blood of its relatives.

This is a detail of a work of art called 126 Whiskey Bottles by Tara Cooper

This is a detail of a work of art called “126 Whiskey Bottles” by Tara Cooper

On the next post, we’ll tackle countering apotropaics like garlic, lemons, and tar.

Tim Kane

1984 Flashback: TV

One last find in my treasure trove of 1984 nostalgia: A TV Guide. Remember these? Yup, before the internet, people had to actually look through this periodical to find the shows on, what, ten channels? I remember the great invention of the table (seen below) that showed prime time at a glance. Why not the whole day? Well, because much like today, the shows that ran during the day were talk shows and soap operas (now replaced with talk shows and reality TV). Not very exciting.

Check out a week in January, 1984.

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I wasn’t a fan of Airwolf or T.J. Hooker. I must have been doing other things on Saturday nights. This would make me 12 going on 13 at the time. Middle School reading or playing video games.

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Now I was totally addicted to Knight Rider (the remake was nowhere near as good).

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For those of you who recall, Quincy was the early 80s predecessor to CSI. Loved that show.

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Another must watch for me was A-Team. I know some people might be thinking, why did you have to choose? Why not watch A-Team and Nova? Although there were VCRs, the ability to record from one channel and watch another was beyond us.

Another great find was the Carol Burnett show at 7:30. I’d still watch this if it were on. I guess I should troll YouTube.

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There wasn’t much on Wednesday that interested me. Sure I tuned into Family Feud or Carol Burnett. I could never get into Highway to Heaven. Too schmaltzy.

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Here you see the birth of NBCs fabled “Must See TV” on Thursday’s. Friends would be about a decade later, but the network dominated the slot with the Cosby Show. I however, sometimes did time with the Dukes of Hazzard.

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Long before the dominance of X Files on Friday’s there was V. Such a great series. And so painfully 80s. I mean the aliens even had shoulder pads.

Hope you enjoyed your tour of early 80s TV.

Tim Kane

1984 Flashback

In the spirit of a New Year’s cleaning, my wife went through some boxes in the garage. Lo and behold, it turned out to be a time capsule. Specifically, 1984. Plenty of magazines. Here are some snaps of People. I noticed that every other ad was for cigarettes or liquor. Guess People readers liked to drink and smoke.

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July Issue, 1984

Check out those jeans.

Check out those jeans.

You have to love the totally “natural” poses they put this Wrangler lady in. I especially like how she’s calling the little leaguers out.

Apple did not invent the multicolored appliance

Apple did not invent the multicolored appliance

I guess we can thank Quasar for the idea of having electronics in multiple colors.

One of many cigarette ads. Mostly aimed at women.

One of many cigarette ads. Mostly aimed at women.

And plenty of hard liquor

And plenty of hard liquor

My guess, People must have had a target audience of bars.

I had to include this. A pic of Ozzy Osborne in make up.

This was actually from Life, but I had to include it. A pic of Ozzy Osborne in make up.

This kind of puts the whole 80s in perspective. Lots of things to miss, but plenty I can do without. Like those Wrangler jeans.

Tim Kane

Social Hiatus

The time between Christmas and New Years I totally unplugged. Not to say I didn’t get on the internet. Shopped plenty. Watched some YouTube. But nothing social. No Twitter. No Facebook. No blogging. Just hanging with my family. The experience was great. Plenty of doing nothing. (Which is something my mind is not at all used to.) Now, at the other end of this hiatus, I find myself resisting getting back into the groove of blogging and writing. I keep on wanting to push it off to another day. A lovely thought except for the fact that I know nothing will ever get done if I don’t place ass to chair now.

This is the first step.

Blog on. Write on. Here comes 2013.

Tim Kane

The Joy and Sorrow of Mistletoe

I’m a huge fan of folklore and the history behind traditions. Here’s what I dug up on Mistletoe, everyone’s favorite kissing plant.

It turns out that Avengers fans will recognize their favorite villain in the mistletoe story. Yes, Loki is responsible for more mischief. But, we’re ahead of ourselves. First let’s go the the number two power in the Norse universe (and one that seems to be absent in the Marvel films): Frigga. Like Odin, she could also see the future, but was less doom and gloom about it.

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“Frigga Spinning the Clouds” by John Charles Dollman

She gave birth to her son, Balder, on the winter solstice. He, being the god of light and truth, fits the season well as the days slowly grow longer leading up to the summer solstice. However, she also received a dream that her son would die. She asked all manner of things in the world to swear an oath to never hurt Balder. This was easy because he was the popular type, with a sunny disposition. (Yes I know, you can hate me now.)

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The Marvel version of Balder

The one she passed up was mistletoe. Accounts vary. Some say that mistletoe was too young and immature. Another version says that is was too small and inconsequential. Needless to say, this turned into Balder’s Achilles Heel.

The gods, being the ones to push things to the limit, decided to test Balder’s invulnerability. They hurled all sorts of weapons at him, including Thor’s axes. None harmed him. Loki sidled up to Hod, the blind god of darkness. Loki had fashioned a dart (some versions say an arrow, but mistletoe is tiny, so I buy the dart version). He helped Hod aim and shot it toward Balder, striking the god right in heart.

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Balder being Killed by Hod and Loki

At this point the story splits into a happy ending and a sad one. Let’s do the sad one first.

Balder died and went to Niflheim. The goddess Hel promised to return Balder to life if every living thing shed a tear for him. Loki again twisted the knife by assuming the form of the giantess Thok. In this form, he refused to cry, dooming Balder to remain in Niflheim forever.

The gods saw through Loki’s deception. The trickster transformed to a salmon to escape. And he almost slipped away. Except his brother, Thor, nabbed him. Loki was then bound in a cave with venom dripping on his chest until Ragnarok.

Now the happy ending.

After being struck by the mistletoe dart, Frigga cried over her fallen son. She cried so much, that mistletoe took pity and formed milky white berries to represent her tears. Her crying also restored Balder to life. Frigga made the plant a symbol for love and she promised to bestow a kiss on any who passed under it.

You pick the ending. Either way, there’s a lot more to this tiny plant than a seasonal amusement.

Tim Kane