Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Charisma’s Cordelia Chase in ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer never had much tact.

Some folks are born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Me, I had a foot stuck up in there. It seems I have no inner filter. If something pops into my brain, it shoots out my mouth. If I were enlisted, my lips would sink a whole lotta ships.

My most infamous slip involved meeting a friend. Before I was introduced, this friend was described as “big” and “large”. She was my senior, agewise on par with my parents. So when I met her, yes she was a tall woman. But of course, that’s not what popped through my brain. Instead I thought, and said, “I’ve seen bigger woman.”

Let me give you all a secret: women don’t like to hear such things. Even if is truthful.

Somehow, despite my lack for tact, I have developed a sort of filter when I teach sixth grade. Before becoming a teacher I cussed up a storm. Yet, beyond all expectations, I don’t let loose a stream of profanities in class. Even when certain students deserve it (yes, I’m looking at you).

Often these days, I spout out strange nuggets of geeky knowledge, like you can’t send bones through the US mail. Most of my coworkers are used to such strange outbursts. They even have an expression for me. It’s the line. I need to know where it is and not cross it.

Maybe someday there’s be an outbreak of foot in mouth and then we can all be brutally honest. Until then, tact lives on.
Tim Kane