The Physics of Bad Hair Days

Why is it some days your hair turns out fine and others it looks like a hurricane set up on your head? I think some scientist somewhere needs to research this phenomenon. For anyone with even a decent mop of hair, you often wake up with it swirled in bizarre ways. And those swirls are damn stubborn. Water and a comb are not enough. Typically I need to slop on some hair gel or pomade.

Which gets me thinking about Ulysses Everett McGill from O Brother, Where Art Thou. He’s a tried and true Dapper Dan Man.

I poked about on the internet. It turns out that the first pomade came about in the early 1800s when people slathered a pomade with bear fat into their hair. Now I ask you, who was the first person to decide to throw some smelly bear fat up in their do? Eventually, the fat gave way to lard (pig fat), beeswax (impossible to get out of your hair) and petroleum jelly.

Then there’s Macassar oil. I’ve never heard of this stuff, but it does explain why airplane seats look the way they do. This oil is whipped up with coconut or palm oil combined with ylang-ylang oil (from a fragrant flower). This was used in the late 1800s and the stuff dribbled down the back of your hair and onto any seat you sat in. Thus the development of the “antimacassar”. This is a small cloth (usually crocheted) that sat at the top of the chair to catch the oily grease and protect the upholstery. Wow, this has got to be one of the only inventions to mask the ill effects of another.

So the next time you’re having a bad hair day, just slip on your hair net and remember the words of one Ulysses Everett McGill: “I don’t want Fop, goddammit. I’m a Dapper Dan man.”

Tim Kane

How Far Would You Go to Write?

I had a dream the other day that I was stuck in LA traffic, late for a meeting with a film producer. And when I say traffic, I mean that the cars had virtually stopped. I drove in the shoulder and veered through off ramps just to make some time.

The trouble was, this wasn’t a dream. It was a memory.

As I began my writing career, I had aspirations of becoming a screenwriter. I dashed off three or four of my own scripts. Read Variety. Even started filming a Dracula script with my friends. It was through Variety that I found a producer/director that needed his script punched up. I won’t mention the name. The script is still active and I could get paid upon production. I’ll also develop the mutant power of telepathy and go to Vegas and make millions at poker. The chances are about the same.

This script was along the lines of the Syfy network movies. You know the ones I’m talking about. They have a colon in the title—Magma: Volcanic Disaster, Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep. Only this script wasn’t fantasy or scifi. It was a heist flick where girls took off their clothes every five pages or so for no important reason. Yet, and I have to emphasize this point, the producer wanted this to be a serious action film.

I took on the job and worked many late nights grasping for reasons to justify the main female characters disrobing. I managed to get the producer to cancel all but two of the scenes. (Maybe if I hadn’t, the film would have gotten made. Who knows.) Anywho, I live in San Diego and the producer was, well, in Hollywood. A few times a week, I’d drive up there to meet him and go over the script. It was hell. I never got paid. Not even for gas.

What can I say? I was young and hungry. The opportunity looked good. I learned plenty from the experience. I could finish a whole script under deadline. I could convince someone to ditch unwanted scenes. I could dodge cars while driving fifty in the shoulder.

How far are you willing to go for your writing?

Tim Kane

Hunger Games as a Force for Good

I earn my benjamins as a teacher. This week kicks off the massive load of state and district testing. It’s our Super Bowl. Our World Series. And, I think, possibly our Hunger Games.

The kids always stress during this time. I work with eleven and twelve-year-olds. Some still bring stuffed animals to school this week to lower their anxiety. I typically purchase candy and little goodies to pass out during testing. Tiny ways to boost their moral. Yet this year, I stumbled onto what I think is a brilliant idea.

The idea sprouted last week when the students were completing our end of unit exams. One boy was terribly sick and miserable the whole morning. I busied myself putting up a hand drawn Finn and Jake picture from Adventure Time, and (because so many kids have read the books) a giant mockingjay. Underneath I penned: “May the odd be ever in your favor.” By recess, the boy had a smile on his face. I asked him about it and he said that Katniss had struggled and not given up. He knew that he could do the same.

That did it. I decided to go whole hog on the Hunger Games theme. Cause that’s essentially what we do to the kids. The Capital (State of California) requires tributes (students) to battle for their entertainment (bubble in multiple choice questions). The same pressure the tributes in the books feel, my students get in spades. There are even careers. You know the kids. The ones that adore testing and always seem to come out on top.

This year, instead of just walking around to give kids treats, I purchased some silver tissue paper. I’m wrapping the treats in aluminum foil. Then their sponsor (me) will drop the silver parachutes on their desks when they need it the most. I’m hoping to put in little notes (like the ones Haymitch delivered) to help inspire the kids.

I certainly hope the testing doesn’t end with most of the kids deceased and two holding poisoned berries.

Tim Kane

Use Pinterest as a Reading List

A fellow writer of mine told me how she uses Pinterst to catalog the books she reads. Yes there are other websites out there that do the same. Goodreads comes to mind. But none have the ease and popularity of Pinterest. I already have a list of books I recommend on this blog, but not with pictures. It’s a hassle to put them in. Pinterest solves this.

I plan to pin each “good” book I read. Then I get an easy to find list of my favorite books. What could be better. Click over to see the list. There are plenty of great reads.

Four High Production Book Trailers

In the last post, I explored four low budget book trailers. Well here are the big boys. Not always better, as you’ll see. Most of these have a hefty budget and were most likely produced by the publishers.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

This trailer certainly has that Hollywood feel. It clearly delivers the premise of this books. I’ve actually read the sample chapter and it dovetails with this trailer almost scene for scene. It shows the reader exactly what he or she would expect.

Going West by Maurice Gee

Are you amazed? You should be. The cut paper art is breathtaking. I couldn’t take my eyes away. Now, can you tell me what the book is about? Yeah, there was the voice over reading snippets from the book, but I didn’t listen. The visuals overpowered the text. This is an example of the production team going too far.

I can’t say for certain, but I believe the art may be by Peter Callesen.

The Return Man by V. M. Zito

The trailer, put together by Swank Banana Productions, sucks you in with very simple visuals and text that interacts with the smoke. I have to say, I was drawn to this trailer. I can see the same techniques working on a smaller budget (perhaps without the fancy text).

Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld

The illustrations by Keith Thompson drive this book trailer. It shows that if you know someone who can draw, the trailer can center around this artwork. Again, this does a superb job of hitting it’s target audience of steampunk readers.

Tim Kane